About the author
For Gary Layzell, who lives in Nottingham, adapting to life with a urostomy has been as much about looking after his mind and emotions as it has regaining physical fitness post surgery. Both mentally and physically, he has found new strength from sport and camaraderie that is helping him face the future with hope.
Gary’s story
Life was going so well. I was enjoying my work as a consultant supporting local authorities in delivering revenues and benefits services. I was into my fitness and taking on whatever adrenaline-inducing challenge I could find, and travel was finally on the agenda. I’d even started a new relationship with a beautiful lady, Michelle, who I met through work.
When Michelle commented on how frequently I disappeared to the toilet, I told her it was normal for me. But when one of my mates said, “If you go for a drink with Gaz, you might as well go on your own”, I realised I needed to take action.
I’d put off going to the doctor, thinking things would get back to normal, but it wasn’t to be. Diagnosed with an enlarged prostate, I was prescribed medication that didn’t work for me for reasons that later became obvious.
As 20 trips to the loo a day became 30, I went back and was given a new prescription, which I was told could take up to six months to become effective. I waited. By now I was losing weight, couldn’t sleep and was in such pain that it reduced me to tears.
Having turned to ‘Dr Google’ for answers, I feared the worst, so insisted on getting properly checked out. It was just before Christmas 2020 that I had the expected but unwelcome news… I had aggressive Stage 3 bladder cancer.
Unwelcome news
Despite the seriousness, I was in denial about what this might mean. I was also frustrated at how long it had taken to get a diagnosis. I had all the classic symptoms but did not ‘fit the profile’. Surely this type of thinking has to change?
The choice was stark: life-changing operation or chemo treatment with a 20 to 30 percent chance of survival. With those odds and with four children to think of, there was no option but to choose surgery.
Looking back, I can see that I tried to carry on as if none of it was happening, thinking I was protecting the people relying on me. But alone with my thoughts and unable to sleep, I spiralled downward.
Surgical success, but mental isolation
I had my operation in the middle of lockdown. On 16 March 2021, just four days before my 50th birthday, I was given the gift of Little Sid the Stoma! But after my surgery, I woke up with a dark sense of fear about the future.
My initial physical recovery went well, and I was mobile fairly quickly. I even started a new job as an Exchequer Services Manager for a council in Derbyshire, which provided a mix of home and office working. Mentally though, I was still blocking things and everyone else out. I felt I couldn’t be ‘me’ and until I was that person again, I didn’t feel worthy. Michelle was amazing, taking care of me to help with my physical rehabilitation, but inside I was screaming in pain.
Existing, not living
Six months on from my op, I hit a wall. My fitness level was not increasing, and I needed a nap a couple of times during the day. I was existing rather than living.
There was something else, too. The pump I was given for erectile dysfunction due to nerve damage wasn’t working for me. I tried the pills, but no joy there either. Then came prescribed injections, but I’m in the 5 percent of people who have an adverse reaction so found myself in the ‘last chance saloon’ of needing a penile implant. It would be a long wait.
Michelle and I separated, and although we still have a great friendship, it is no substitute for a loving, intimate relationship.
Team spirit
It was when I spotted an ad for walking football that a spark was lit. Competitive sport, especially football, has been part of my life since I was seven.
Meeting Elvis, who manages the walking football team for the Nottingham Forest Community Trust, led to my first session – and a switch was flicked! Finally, I had an outlet where things were not affected by the aftershocks of cancer.
Now, I play two or three times a week. It’s fun, and good for me mentally as well as physically. With both men and women and mixed abilities, it’s the most inclusive sport I’ve been involved in.
Three lions
As well as playing for Forest against other premier league representative teams, such as Arsenal and Chelsea, I’ve played for an England representative side for heart attack and cancer survivors. At 52, I couldn’t have been prouder to put on a shirt with the three lions emblazoned across my chest.
I’ve achieved more in walking football than I did in 30-plus years of playing the traditional game, and I’m so happy I got involved. The buzz from being part of a team and spending time with these friends picks me up every time I feel a dip. The game has been – and will continue to be – a mainstay of sustaining good mental health for me. I’m really not sure where I’d be without it!
Living my life
Work has been busier than ever, and with renewed vigour for travel, I’ve visited the Norwegian fjords, holidayed in Cape Verde and partied in Ibiza.
Earlier this year, I had surgery for a penile implant, which was as successful as it could have been and I’m grateful to my surgeon for what he was able to achieve. Despite this, I haven’t yet found someone to share my life with and have those intimate moments. As a loving and tactile person, this is difficult for me to deal with, but none of us knows what the future holds for us and I am trying to stay hopeful and confident that I’ll meet that special person.
Losing my dad in March was very hard. He’d had a long illness and helping to look after him kept my mind off myself. But I’ve learned that being sad every so often is normal and okay, and I know what to do to lift myself out of it because the right things are in place. Friends, family, exercise and work all help, as well as trying new things.
My health is no longer a barrier, and I’m stronger and more resilient now. I may be on a different path than the one I envisaged for myself, but I’m in a better place to manage any challenges now and am finding ways to be happy.